Tag Archive | online dating safety

big spoon to little spoon- come in little spoon

I always love when Sabatino guest posts!

Say what you will, but I love being the big spoon.

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There’s just something to be said about being so close and finding that you fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes I crave it.  After a long, stressful day when nothing has gone quite right, there’s nothing I want more than to lazily curl up on the couch or in bed with you, pour us a few glasses of wine, and flip through the latest episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  There’s a certain closeness you get with spooning that you just can’t achieve with other romantic physical activity.  Like, feeling your back up against my chest, hips completely in sync, our legs tangled beneath the covers, and my lips dangerously close to your neck and ears.  To be a little cliche, it really is as if two become one, working together in complete harmony.

I find that spooning, at least for me, is the perfect time to bond with your significant other- when you’re smooshed up against each other and yet it still feels like you can’t get close enough.

For those of you who aren’t keen on spooning, keep in mind that women are very sensually oriented.  Luckily for me [as I’ll never admit to being the most handsome man in the world] they mostly respond to body heat, subtle touches, and fresh scents rather than visual stimulation.  This makes spooning the perfect opportunity to segway in to your other agendas, as your hands and lips are free to roam her body-scape. Plus, being the big spoon puts you in a position of control- something I find most women crave out of the men in their relationships.

Here are a few quick tips for all the big spoons out there.  First of all, your lips anywhere near her neck and ears will drive her crazy. Even kissing the back of her neck, just below the hair line will give her chills.  Subtly kissing her shoulders and the length of her back will peak her interest.  In fact, try running your lips in a curvy pattern down her back without ever lifting them up, slowly working your way down and up again, finishing just behind her ear.  Combine these techniques while firmly gripping her hips and pulling her close to you and you may be in for a long night.  When she turns around and throws her arms around you, you’ll know it’s on- just do me a favor and please don’t turn it in to a cheap 80′s porno.  Keep it classy and passionate.

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Woman Sues Match.com After Attack

Have you people heard of this story yet, where a woman is suing Match because she was attacked by her date?

 

Let’s back this up: This woman, Mary Kay Beckman, met a man through Match.com. They went out a few times and then she broke it off. She came home one day and he was in her garage. He stabbed her several times and then stomped and kicked at her, leaving her for dead.

Apparently this same dude had also just murdered another woman after a break up as well.

Yikes, scary right?

So here’s the thing. Ms. Beckman is suing Match.com because they didn’t have enough information on their site to warn users of potential predators.

Seriously?

First of all, most dating sites have information on their sites for their users on how to protect themselves and to warn them of potential danger. I can’t say that for sure of Match, but they’re claiming that they do. But what does this woman want Match to do?

A lot of sites do cross check their members with sexual offender lists. However, from what I’ve read, this guy did not have a criminal history. So what was Match supposed to do? If he’s got no criminal history, then what is there to do? Nothing!

Let’s pretend this is ‘offline dating’. Let’s say that Ms. Beckman met this man at a bar. They meet and hit it off and exchange numbers. They go out a few times. It doesn’t work out, so she ends it. He goes to her house and tries to kill her. Would she sue the bar because they didn’t warn people of the dangers of meeting strangers?

I’m sorry, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Online dating is a great tool to meet new people and yes, it can be totally dangerous, but just as dangerous as meeting any person at the grocery store or a baseball game. And even if someone’s background check is clear, doesn’t mean they can’t snap at any time.

I’m very sorry for Ms. Beckman- this is a horrible horrible tragedy, but I really don’t think it’s Match.com’s fault.

I wrote a post about how to protect yourself while online dating and there are several resources out there that will teach you the same things.

What makes me sad about this whole thing (besides the murdered woman and Ms. Beckman’s injuries), is that this puts a bad taste in people’s mouths about online dating. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE DANGEROUS! Protect yourself, people!

And if you’re really worried about online dating and want a safer alternative, try http://www.FriendFlirt.com. We’re online dating through friends- much safer!!!

xoxo Jess
http://www.friendflirt.com
http://www.twitter.com/friendflirt

Things to keep in mind for online dating safety

Online dating can be a blast, but sometimes it’s tricky to figure out what to put in your profile and what to leave out. Sometimes we get carried away and share too much info when we find a match we’re really into. It happens so fast.

However, there are a few things that should NEVER be a part of your profile- and most of them are for your own safety.

I’m not trying to scare you away from online dating. Online dating is a wonderful way to meet people, but it can be very dangerous if you don’t look out for yourself.

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Laurie Davis of http://www.eflirtexpert.com has a nice little chapter in her book, Love At First Click, that lists the biggest DON’T when it comes to your online dating safety. I’ll list them for you here, but you should definitely check out her book for more information.

  1. Full name- um, hello. Obvious, right? Don’t give your name in your profile and you should hold onto your last name until after you meet a time or two.
  2. Username issues- Don’t use the same user name that you use on social media sites. For example, I’m not going to use RedSoxChach as my username for online dating, since that’s my personal twitter handle. If my match were interested, he could go and look up my twitter feed, since it’s public, and find out all sorts of information on me. Not a good idea.
  3. Phone number- duh, again obvious. Wait to give out your phone number until you’ve messaged a few times and are comfortable with meeting. You’ll want to give your number out before meeting so you can find each other for the date, but save it for a bit. Also, a good idea is to register with Google Voice- then they won’t have your actual number and you can block them if you need to!
  4. Regular hangouts- I tend to frequent the same few places in my neighborhood. I leave them out of my dating profiles. Why? I don’t need a stalker showing up and following me around.
  5. Home address- You can mention your neighborhood, if you live in a city, but don’t give the specific address. That’s obvious, right?
  6. Work details- You can mention what you do for work, but be careful about writing your job title if you have a unique one. For instance, I’m the Social Media Love Gun for Friend Flirt. If I write any of that, my match can look up Friend Flirt and look up the Love Gun. I’m also pretty sure I’m the only Social Media Love Gun out there, so it would be easy to google information on me , too.
  7. Links- Don’t put up personal links to blogs or articles you’ve written. Just not a good idea. Too much extra information that’s not needed before you meet.
  8. Social Media privacy- Double check your privacy settings. If you’re public, like I am, then remember that your match has the ability to look you up and find out information about you. A match might not be too excited to see how obsessed with the Red Sox I am, or that I reference certain players as my boyfriend sometimes.
  9. Email address- If they have your email address, they can find you online. Duh. Eventually, you can give out your email address, if you want to take the conversation off the dating site, but you should probably register a new account somewhere without your full name- for safety purposes. Be careful before emailing off the dating site- too soon is a red flag for scammers.

Hope these help! Make sure to check out the book because it has a lot of awesome pointers!