Tag Archive | online dating advice

big spoon to little spoon- come in little spoon

I always love when Sabatino guest posts!

Say what you will, but I love being the big spoon.

spooning_351301

There’s just something to be said about being so close and finding that you fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes I crave it.  After a long, stressful day when nothing has gone quite right, there’s nothing I want more than to lazily curl up on the couch or in bed with you, pour us a few glasses of wine, and flip through the latest episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  There’s a certain closeness you get with spooning that you just can’t achieve with other romantic physical activity.  Like, feeling your back up against my chest, hips completely in sync, our legs tangled beneath the covers, and my lips dangerously close to your neck and ears.  To be a little cliche, it really is as if two become one, working together in complete harmony.

I find that spooning, at least for me, is the perfect time to bond with your significant other- when you’re smooshed up against each other and yet it still feels like you can’t get close enough.

For those of you who aren’t keen on spooning, keep in mind that women are very sensually oriented.  Luckily for me [as I’ll never admit to being the most handsome man in the world] they mostly respond to body heat, subtle touches, and fresh scents rather than visual stimulation.  This makes spooning the perfect opportunity to segway in to your other agendas, as your hands and lips are free to roam her body-scape. Plus, being the big spoon puts you in a position of control- something I find most women crave out of the men in their relationships.

Here are a few quick tips for all the big spoons out there.  First of all, your lips anywhere near her neck and ears will drive her crazy. Even kissing the back of her neck, just below the hair line will give her chills.  Subtly kissing her shoulders and the length of her back will peak her interest.  In fact, try running your lips in a curvy pattern down her back without ever lifting them up, slowly working your way down and up again, finishing just behind her ear.  Combine these techniques while firmly gripping her hips and pulling her close to you and you may be in for a long night.  When she turns around and throws her arms around you, you’ll know it’s on- just do me a favor and please don’t turn it in to a cheap 80′s porno.  Keep it classy and passionate.

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What to Expect from Online Dating

One of the dating experts that I’ve discovered in the twitterverse is Dr. Christie Hartman. I really enjoy her writing think she’s full of a lot of great knowledge. She’s down to earth and realistic. I just really like her.

christie-hartman

So I’ve been surfing through her website, checking out older blog posts on dating and relationships. She’s written a series of blog posts for “Intellectual Badasses”, as she calls us, and there was a group of posts that dealt with online dating. The post in particular that peaked my interest was on what to expect from online dating.

You should check her article out, but I’ll hi-light some of the points I found exceptionally true and awesome.

Dating Online is a Numbers Game

In conventional dating, you’ve met the person and developed at least some interest in him or her before you go on a date. Thus, the weeding out process begins before you go on any dates. Online dating is different: you have to go out with someone to even know if there’s interest. In other words, the weeding process often occurs during or after a date.

What this means is that you have to chat with and go out with far more people than in conventional dating, and it takes weeding through a lot more people before you find a “good” one.

I can’t stress that point enough. Online Dating is a process and to get anywhere, you’ll have to date a few people at once and then weed out the ones you don’t want while you stick with the one you DO want.

 

First Dates are Different

The conventional first date is dinner, possibly more. And why not? You’ve probably already established mutual interest and a longer, more involved date is warranted. When dating online, first dates are shorter, less involved, and cost less. Really, a first online date isn’t a date at all – it’s a “meet-and-greet,” an opportunity to meet someone and decide if a date is warranted. If you view it otherwise, it can raise expectations too high.

Oh look, someone else agree with Laurie and me when it comes to the first meeting.

 

Men: Not Getting Replies is Normal
Women: Getting Emails from the Wrong Men is Normal

Boom. There it is.

 

Alright- so make sure you check out Dr. Hartman’s website. She’s got a lot of great posts. I’ll definitely be linking to her a lot from here, too.

 

xoxo Jess
http://www.friendflirt.com
@FriendFlirt

Things to keep in mind for online dating safety

Online dating can be a blast, but sometimes it’s tricky to figure out what to put in your profile and what to leave out. Sometimes we get carried away and share too much info when we find a match we’re really into. It happens so fast.

However, there are a few things that should NEVER be a part of your profile- and most of them are for your own safety.

I’m not trying to scare you away from online dating. Online dating is a wonderful way to meet people, but it can be very dangerous if you don’t look out for yourself.

click

Laurie Davis of http://www.eflirtexpert.com has a nice little chapter in her book, Love At First Click, that lists the biggest DON’T when it comes to your online dating safety. I’ll list them for you here, but you should definitely check out her book for more information.

  1. Full name- um, hello. Obvious, right? Don’t give your name in your profile and you should hold onto your last name until after you meet a time or two.
  2. Username issues- Don’t use the same user name that you use on social media sites. For example, I’m not going to use RedSoxChach as my username for online dating, since that’s my personal twitter handle. If my match were interested, he could go and look up my twitter feed, since it’s public, and find out all sorts of information on me. Not a good idea.
  3. Phone number- duh, again obvious. Wait to give out your phone number until you’ve messaged a few times and are comfortable with meeting. You’ll want to give your number out before meeting so you can find each other for the date, but save it for a bit. Also, a good idea is to register with Google Voice- then they won’t have your actual number and you can block them if you need to!
  4. Regular hangouts- I tend to frequent the same few places in my neighborhood. I leave them out of my dating profiles. Why? I don’t need a stalker showing up and following me around.
  5. Home address- You can mention your neighborhood, if you live in a city, but don’t give the specific address. That’s obvious, right?
  6. Work details- You can mention what you do for work, but be careful about writing your job title if you have a unique one. For instance, I’m the Social Media Love Gun for Friend Flirt. If I write any of that, my match can look up Friend Flirt and look up the Love Gun. I’m also pretty sure I’m the only Social Media Love Gun out there, so it would be easy to google information on me , too.
  7. Links- Don’t put up personal links to blogs or articles you’ve written. Just not a good idea. Too much extra information that’s not needed before you meet.
  8. Social Media privacy- Double check your privacy settings. If you’re public, like I am, then remember that your match has the ability to look you up and find out information about you. A match might not be too excited to see how obsessed with the Red Sox I am, or that I reference certain players as my boyfriend sometimes.
  9. Email address- If they have your email address, they can find you online. Duh. Eventually, you can give out your email address, if you want to take the conversation off the dating site, but you should probably register a new account somewhere without your full name- for safety purposes. Be careful before emailing off the dating site- too soon is a red flag for scammers.

Hope these help! Make sure to check out the book because it has a lot of awesome pointers!

Red Flags in Online Dating

Here’s a list of annoying things that online daters do. If you’re an online dater, make sure you stay away from these!! And if you see any of these red flags, move on!

  • No photo
  • Confusing photos (more than one person in photo, photo unclear, old photos, etc)
  • Photos with members of opposite sex that aren’t labeled (could be sister….or an ex…who knows?)
  • Photos with children that aren’t labelled (are they theirs or no?)
  • Shirtless photos
  • Use negatives (“don’t like ___” “i hate when___” etc)
  • Be a Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer
  • Empty profile/not enough information
  • Too much information
  • Entire profile is in bullet points
  • Mentions sex in the profile

The following phrases are bad, too:

  • “I hate drama”
  • “I’m just trying this out”
  • “My friends made me do this”
  • “I never thought I’d try online dating”
  • “Thanks for reading’
  • “If you like what you read…”
  • “I don’t like writing about myself” or “I’m bad at this part”

facepalm

What are some red flags in online dating profiles that you’ve found?

Online Dating Tip #1: Username Issues

First rule of online dating: Have a good username. It can make or break you.

For instance, if I see MattyBoy420, I’m instantly going to say no. I don’t smoke weed, nor do I want to date someone who enjoys it enough to make it part of his online identity. Now, you may attract a girl with that, but I’m thinking that you won’t.

Another guy I’ll turn down: SexyStud4U69. Really? First of all, I’m going to turn you down for the 69 in your username. That’s just tacky. And are you that cocky that you think I’m going to start swooning over you because you think you’re sexy? C’mon. In my experience, every guy that has had some sort of sexual inuendo in his screen name was the complete opposite of what he was advertising.

Also- don’t advertise your penis in your screen name. Over compensating much?

Another horrible nickname: UsernameTaken432897. If you can’t come up with a creative username, or if you think you’re being funny, get out of here and don’t waste my time. Chances are you’re horribly boring and I’m not going to want to be around you.

Picking a username can be tricky, since it is the first thing that represents your whole online persona. However, it shouldn’t be that difficult. Think of your hobbies, interests, or even movie/tv/book characters that you like.

Also- try to stay away from numbers. What happens when I confuse MarkyMark272727 with MarkyMark27272? It just shows that you’re not creative enough to come up with your own original name that you had to recycle someone else’s.

Examples of decent screenname: PunkBass, IrishGuy, Love2Travel, SoxFan, ArmyDude, HoldenCaulfield, HanSolo, EngineerInBoston etc.

Ladies, this goes to you, too! Don’t be SexyBustyBlonde30 or BostonBitch and expect to find a nice guy. Make a good username that shows your actual personality. OperaLady, AnnaMolly, Amanduh, and SouthernGal are some alright ones.

If you need more help, feel free to comment and I’ll personally help you come up with a name!

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Cheers!
-Jess