Tag Archive | no thanks

big spoon to little spoon- come in little spoon

I always love when Sabatino guest posts!

Say what you will, but I love being the big spoon.


There’s just something to be said about being so close and finding that you fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes I crave it.  After a long, stressful day when nothing has gone quite right, there’s nothing I want more than to lazily curl up on the couch or in bed with you, pour us a few glasses of wine, and flip through the latest episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  There’s a certain closeness you get with spooning that you just can’t achieve with other romantic physical activity.  Like, feeling your back up against my chest, hips completely in sync, our legs tangled beneath the covers, and my lips dangerously close to your neck and ears.  To be a little cliche, it really is as if two become one, working together in complete harmony.

I find that spooning, at least for me, is the perfect time to bond with your significant other- when you’re smooshed up against each other and yet it still feels like you can’t get close enough.

For those of you who aren’t keen on spooning, keep in mind that women are very sensually oriented.  Luckily for me [as I’ll never admit to being the most handsome man in the world] they mostly respond to body heat, subtle touches, and fresh scents rather than visual stimulation.  This makes spooning the perfect opportunity to segway in to your other agendas, as your hands and lips are free to roam her body-scape. Plus, being the big spoon puts you in a position of control- something I find most women crave out of the men in their relationships.

Here are a few quick tips for all the big spoons out there.  First of all, your lips anywhere near her neck and ears will drive her crazy. Even kissing the back of her neck, just below the hair line will give her chills.  Subtly kissing her shoulders and the length of her back will peak her interest.  In fact, try running your lips in a curvy pattern down her back without ever lifting them up, slowly working your way down and up again, finishing just behind her ear.  Combine these techniques while firmly gripping her hips and pulling her close to you and you may be in for a long night.  When she turns around and throws her arms around you, you’ll know it’s on- just do me a favor and please don’t turn it in to a cheap 80′s porno.  Keep it classy and passionate.


Online Dating Horror Story #1: Jenna’s Catfish

I put up a post on Facebook, asking people to send me some online dating success and horror stories. This post is written by a good friend of mine from college, Jenna. While it’s a hilarious story, and I have many like it, I was horrified for Jenna! Talk about Catfish! There are many times throughout this story that I wanted to yell out “NO DON’T DO THAT!”, but dating is all about making horrible mistakes and learning from them. I hope Jenna is having better luck with dating and online dating now!


Where to start, I initially met my first boyfriend online, but through a mutual friend. We dated for a few years and ended up breaking up mutually. A good friend of mine had met her boyfriend on Plenty of Fish and seemed to be pretty happy so I figured, what the hell, I’ll try it.

This website is addicting, basically online shopping for your ‘perfect match’, I’d spend hours on the ‘meet me’ section clicking through men I’d like to meet, and ones that I knew would be forever alone. I had been on dates off and on from POF and nothing was clicking. I was getting close to just deleting my profile because it was more of a nuisance than anything.

One night, a guy emailed me, his profile pictures were pretty attractive and he seemed legitimate in his profile about me. He could spell, had all of his teeth and was looking for a girl that wasn’t a hooker. I seemed to fit what he was looking for. Plus his message was rather catchy, asking me an insane equation wondering if I knew the answer. At the end of the message he writes, I don’t know the answer either but I know that you’re beautiful and you seem really amazing. Hell, if he was going to take the time to be that creative why not give the guy a chance. We started chatting back and forth and eventually started texting. Texting lead to long phone calls, and it seemed like I had finally met my match. He was educated, employed, lived on his own and attractive. We would spend hours talking on the phone about our life and I had become rather smitten.

One week, we had decided to meet up that Friday to go on a date. He lived in Waterville, and I currently in Chelsea, so not a long commute. One night after a long phone call he tells me to come see him, around 1 am. Being spontaneous, and on a whim I got in my car I started to drive to his house. All of a sudden he texts me and says, no, turn around, it’s late. I had told him, I’m already on my way.

He proceeds to tell me he’s ‘gained some weight’ since his current photos, he’s about 6’6″ and in his photos he was athletic and slender, so I envisioned him with a few pounds and couldn’t imagine it being that bad. I told him it was fine, since I’m not all that thin myself.

Finally I arrived at his apartment, the light inside his living room window was on, and I see this giant silhouette of a man and I can’t imagine that’s him. I almost didn’t dare knock on the door, but finally I muster up the courage and knock on his door. A man I was not expecting opened it and invited me in his apartment. It took all I had not to run off within the first few seconds, he looked nothing like his photos, he was well over a 100 pounds more than he was in his pictures and when he talked, he had such a flamboyant twinge in his voice I couldn’t help but cringe. This ‘few pounds’ was an understatement.

Completely caught off guard he and I laid in his bed and starts kissing me, I have to fight the urge to throw up, and eventually I just lay there not talking, thinking of an escape plan. I had kept my jeans and my long sleeve shirt on, and he tries to invite me to take my pants off by saying I must be uncomfortable. Nonchalantly I say, I could sleep in a snowsuit.

More uncomfortable silence ensues and I just can’t force myself to stay there the night, so I finally roll over and say…”Would you hate me if I left right now? it’s late and I should probably be at home”. He goes “No, no…this is a little awkward I understand.” and as I was about to get up and leave he grabs me and tries to romanticize me by kissing me saying I should reconsider. Recoiling I tell him, no, I really need to head home and I practically run out the door.

Probably one of the most awkward nights to ever happen…sadly, that is only one of the many awkward online dating moments I’ve endured

Horrible Messages, #1

I’m going to start a segment of posts that will be centered around actual messages that I (or if you’d like to submit your own, that’s cool, too!) have received in my time during online dating.

This is a message that I got a long time ago and it is a great example of what not to do in a message.

the names a given(as it,comes attatched with the message)ha! however if you want to know more it’s gonna take effort.ha so, if your curious/interested, check out my pic and info on my page. if by then you’ve searched your mind,body(ha jk)soul and decided you want to get to know me, you know what to do. if not,so be it. 


Um, no. That’s just all wrong. Grammar, spelling, and the attitude- no thanks. Nooooo thanks.



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