Tag Archive | internet dating

big spoon to little spoon- come in little spoon

I always love when Sabatino guest posts!

Say what you will, but I love being the big spoon.


There’s just something to be said about being so close and finding that you fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes I crave it.  After a long, stressful day when nothing has gone quite right, there’s nothing I want more than to lazily curl up on the couch or in bed with you, pour us a few glasses of wine, and flip through the latest episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  There’s a certain closeness you get with spooning that you just can’t achieve with other romantic physical activity.  Like, feeling your back up against my chest, hips completely in sync, our legs tangled beneath the covers, and my lips dangerously close to your neck and ears.  To be a little cliche, it really is as if two become one, working together in complete harmony.

I find that spooning, at least for me, is the perfect time to bond with your significant other- when you’re smooshed up against each other and yet it still feels like you can’t get close enough.

For those of you who aren’t keen on spooning, keep in mind that women are very sensually oriented.  Luckily for me [as I’ll never admit to being the most handsome man in the world] they mostly respond to body heat, subtle touches, and fresh scents rather than visual stimulation.  This makes spooning the perfect opportunity to segway in to your other agendas, as your hands and lips are free to roam her body-scape. Plus, being the big spoon puts you in a position of control- something I find most women crave out of the men in their relationships.

Here are a few quick tips for all the big spoons out there.  First of all, your lips anywhere near her neck and ears will drive her crazy. Even kissing the back of her neck, just below the hair line will give her chills.  Subtly kissing her shoulders and the length of her back will peak her interest.  In fact, try running your lips in a curvy pattern down her back without ever lifting them up, slowly working your way down and up again, finishing just behind her ear.  Combine these techniques while firmly gripping her hips and pulling her close to you and you may be in for a long night.  When she turns around and throws her arms around you, you’ll know it’s on- just do me a favor and please don’t turn it in to a cheap 80′s porno.  Keep it classy and passionate.


What to Expect from Online Dating

One of the dating experts that I’ve discovered in the twitterverse is Dr. Christie Hartman. I really enjoy her writing think she’s full of a lot of great knowledge. She’s down to earth and realistic. I just really like her.


So I’ve been surfing through her website, checking out older blog posts on dating and relationships. She’s written a series of blog posts for “Intellectual Badasses”, as she calls us, and there was a group of posts that dealt with online dating. The post in particular that peaked my interest was on what to expect from online dating.

You should check her article out, but I’ll hi-light some of the points I found exceptionally true and awesome.

Dating Online is a Numbers Game

In conventional dating, you’ve met the person and developed at least some interest in him or her before you go on a date. Thus, the weeding out process begins before you go on any dates. Online dating is different: you have to go out with someone to even know if there’s interest. In other words, the weeding process often occurs during or after a date.

What this means is that you have to chat with and go out with far more people than in conventional dating, and it takes weeding through a lot more people before you find a “good” one.

I can’t stress that point enough. Online Dating is a process and to get anywhere, you’ll have to date a few people at once and then weed out the ones you don’t want while you stick with the one you DO want.


First Dates are Different

The conventional first date is dinner, possibly more. And why not? You’ve probably already established mutual interest and a longer, more involved date is warranted. When dating online, first dates are shorter, less involved, and cost less. Really, a first online date isn’t a date at all – it’s a “meet-and-greet,” an opportunity to meet someone and decide if a date is warranted. If you view it otherwise, it can raise expectations too high.

Oh look, someone else agree with Laurie and me when it comes to the first meeting.


Men: Not Getting Replies is Normal
Women: Getting Emails from the Wrong Men is Normal

Boom. There it is.


Alright- so make sure you check out Dr. Hartman’s website. She’s got a lot of great posts. I’ll definitely be linking to her a lot from here, too.


xoxo Jess

Things to keep in mind for online dating safety

Online dating can be a blast, but sometimes it’s tricky to figure out what to put in your profile and what to leave out. Sometimes we get carried away and share too much info when we find a match we’re really into. It happens so fast.

However, there are a few things that should NEVER be a part of your profile- and most of them are for your own safety.

I’m not trying to scare you away from online dating. Online dating is a wonderful way to meet people, but it can be very dangerous if you don’t look out for yourself.


Laurie Davis of http://www.eflirtexpert.com has a nice little chapter in her book, Love At First Click, that lists the biggest DON’T when it comes to your online dating safety. I’ll list them for you here, but you should definitely check out her book for more information.

  1. Full name- um, hello. Obvious, right? Don’t give your name in your profile and you should hold onto your last name until after you meet a time or two.
  2. Username issues- Don’t use the same user name that you use on social media sites. For example, I’m not going to use RedSoxChach as my username for online dating, since that’s my personal twitter handle. If my match were interested, he could go and look up my twitter feed, since it’s public, and find out all sorts of information on me. Not a good idea.
  3. Phone number- duh, again obvious. Wait to give out your phone number until you’ve messaged a few times and are comfortable with meeting. You’ll want to give your number out before meeting so you can find each other for the date, but save it for a bit. Also, a good idea is to register with Google Voice- then they won’t have your actual number and you can block them if you need to!
  4. Regular hangouts- I tend to frequent the same few places in my neighborhood. I leave them out of my dating profiles. Why? I don’t need a stalker showing up and following me around.
  5. Home address- You can mention your neighborhood, if you live in a city, but don’t give the specific address. That’s obvious, right?
  6. Work details- You can mention what you do for work, but be careful about writing your job title if you have a unique one. For instance, I’m the Social Media Love Gun for Friend Flirt. If I write any of that, my match can look up Friend Flirt and look up the Love Gun. I’m also pretty sure I’m the only Social Media Love Gun out there, so it would be easy to google information on me , too.
  7. Links- Don’t put up personal links to blogs or articles you’ve written. Just not a good idea. Too much extra information that’s not needed before you meet.
  8. Social Media privacy- Double check your privacy settings. If you’re public, like I am, then remember that your match has the ability to look you up and find out information about you. A match might not be too excited to see how obsessed with the Red Sox I am, or that I reference certain players as my boyfriend sometimes.
  9. Email address- If they have your email address, they can find you online. Duh. Eventually, you can give out your email address, if you want to take the conversation off the dating site, but you should probably register a new account somewhere without your full name- for safety purposes. Be careful before emailing off the dating site- too soon is a red flag for scammers.

Hope these help! Make sure to check out the book because it has a lot of awesome pointers!

You’re on your first date and you’re not attracted to your date. What do you do?

Personally, this has happened to me a million times. I could write a million posts about the dates I’ve been on where I was banging my head on the table the entire time (figuratively, obviously), trying to figure out how to get out of there.

I’m too nice to just flat out say “Hey, this isn’t working out for me, I’m just gonna head home, okay?”. In the past, I’ve gone through with the whole date and then just either texted the guy later saying something like “I’ve been dating around and I actually met someone else that I’m more into and I don’t want to lead you on” or “I’m not really sure what I am looking for right now- not sure that I want an actual relationship and I don’t want to waste your time if you’re looking for something more serious right now”.

I’m soooo original.

Anyway, I feel that this is a big issue when it comes to online dating. You find a guy (or gal) that looks pretty attractive, they seem interesting enough, and you’ve sent and received some messages that led to your first meeting. Then you meet in person and you’re like “wait, no this is not what I was expecting!”

The other night, I went to a book launch party for Laurie Davis of eFlirtExpert.com fame, for her Love at First Click book that was just published. First off- she’s absolutely fantastic and her book is incredible (as far as I’ve gotten into it so far anyway). Second, she gave out a few quick tips to the audience (and to us lucky few that had some drinks with her afterwards).

The best tip of the night, in my opinion, was about the first meeting during online dating. She told us that the first meeting is NOT a date. In “offline” dating, you meet someone out in the “real world” and you can tell from that meeting if there is chemistry. Then you go on a first date and what not from there. In online dating, you miss out on that opportunity to figure out if you two jive or not in person, so that’s what the first meeting is for!

Instantly, I knew what my issue was with my dates and why there were so many awkward first encounters.

I was putting too much pressure on the first meeting. And then we’d go out to some bar or to dinner and it would be hours of the two of us awkwardly figuring out if we were into each other in person.

Laurie’s advice was that the first meeting should be between 45 minutes to an hour. Something low key and simple, just to see if you two click. You want to leave that first meeting right when the chemistry is at it’s peak so that you leave on a great note and are already scheduling your second date.

Or if you don’t click, you didn’t waste a whole lot of time and money on the whole thing.

I love this idea. With the pressure taken off of the first meeting, you two will feel more natural and at ease. Also, if you don’t click, you won’t feel too stressed about it. It was just two people meeting, not a horrible first date.

I love it.

I also like reading And That’s Why You’re Single and she recently posted about telling your date that you’re not interested while on the date itself. Ballsy!! You can read her article here. Personally, I couldn’t do it, but I admire her courage and bluntness (is that a real word? It sounds funny…). I do like that she tells her dates that she’s not interested before they spend too much time/money on the date, but man, I could never do it.

What do you guys do when you’re not attracted to a person?
Any stories you want to share?

xoxo Jess

Online Dating Horror Story #1: Jenna’s Catfish

I put up a post on Facebook, asking people to send me some online dating success and horror stories. This post is written by a good friend of mine from college, Jenna. While it’s a hilarious story, and I have many like it, I was horrified for Jenna! Talk about Catfish! There are many times throughout this story that I wanted to yell out “NO DON’T DO THAT!”, but dating is all about making horrible mistakes and learning from them. I hope Jenna is having better luck with dating and online dating now!


Where to start, I initially met my first boyfriend online, but through a mutual friend. We dated for a few years and ended up breaking up mutually. A good friend of mine had met her boyfriend on Plenty of Fish and seemed to be pretty happy so I figured, what the hell, I’ll try it.

This website is addicting, basically online shopping for your ‘perfect match’, I’d spend hours on the ‘meet me’ section clicking through men I’d like to meet, and ones that I knew would be forever alone. I had been on dates off and on from POF and nothing was clicking. I was getting close to just deleting my profile because it was more of a nuisance than anything.

One night, a guy emailed me, his profile pictures were pretty attractive and he seemed legitimate in his profile about me. He could spell, had all of his teeth and was looking for a girl that wasn’t a hooker. I seemed to fit what he was looking for. Plus his message was rather catchy, asking me an insane equation wondering if I knew the answer. At the end of the message he writes, I don’t know the answer either but I know that you’re beautiful and you seem really amazing. Hell, if he was going to take the time to be that creative why not give the guy a chance. We started chatting back and forth and eventually started texting. Texting lead to long phone calls, and it seemed like I had finally met my match. He was educated, employed, lived on his own and attractive. We would spend hours talking on the phone about our life and I had become rather smitten.

One week, we had decided to meet up that Friday to go on a date. He lived in Waterville, and I currently in Chelsea, so not a long commute. One night after a long phone call he tells me to come see him, around 1 am. Being spontaneous, and on a whim I got in my car I started to drive to his house. All of a sudden he texts me and says, no, turn around, it’s late. I had told him, I’m already on my way.

He proceeds to tell me he’s ‘gained some weight’ since his current photos, he’s about 6’6″ and in his photos he was athletic and slender, so I envisioned him with a few pounds and couldn’t imagine it being that bad. I told him it was fine, since I’m not all that thin myself.

Finally I arrived at his apartment, the light inside his living room window was on, and I see this giant silhouette of a man and I can’t imagine that’s him. I almost didn’t dare knock on the door, but finally I muster up the courage and knock on his door. A man I was not expecting opened it and invited me in his apartment. It took all I had not to run off within the first few seconds, he looked nothing like his photos, he was well over a 100 pounds more than he was in his pictures and when he talked, he had such a flamboyant twinge in his voice I couldn’t help but cringe. This ‘few pounds’ was an understatement.

Completely caught off guard he and I laid in his bed and starts kissing me, I have to fight the urge to throw up, and eventually I just lay there not talking, thinking of an escape plan. I had kept my jeans and my long sleeve shirt on, and he tries to invite me to take my pants off by saying I must be uncomfortable. Nonchalantly I say, I could sleep in a snowsuit.

More uncomfortable silence ensues and I just can’t force myself to stay there the night, so I finally roll over and say…”Would you hate me if I left right now? it’s late and I should probably be at home”. He goes “No, no…this is a little awkward I understand.” and as I was about to get up and leave he grabs me and tries to romanticize me by kissing me saying I should reconsider. Recoiling I tell him, no, I really need to head home and I practically run out the door.

Probably one of the most awkward nights to ever happen…sadly, that is only one of the many awkward online dating moments I’ve endured

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xoxo Jess


Red Flags in Online Dating

Here’s a list of annoying things that online daters do. If you’re an online dater, make sure you stay away from these!! And if you see any of these red flags, move on!

  • No photo
  • Confusing photos (more than one person in photo, photo unclear, old photos, etc)
  • Photos with members of opposite sex that aren’t labeled (could be sister….or an ex…who knows?)
  • Photos with children that aren’t labelled (are they theirs or no?)
  • Shirtless photos
  • Use negatives (“don’t like ___” “i hate when___” etc)
  • Be a Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer
  • Empty profile/not enough information
  • Too much information
  • Entire profile is in bullet points
  • Mentions sex in the profile

The following phrases are bad, too:

  • “I hate drama”
  • “I’m just trying this out”
  • “My friends made me do this”
  • “I never thought I’d try online dating”
  • “Thanks for reading’
  • “If you like what you read…”
  • “I don’t like writing about myself” or “I’m bad at this part”


What are some red flags in online dating profiles that you’ve found?