Tag Archive | dating advice

big spoon to little spoon- come in little spoon

I always love when Sabatino guest posts!

Say what you will, but I love being the big spoon.

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There’s just something to be said about being so close and finding that you fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes I crave it.  After a long, stressful day when nothing has gone quite right, there’s nothing I want more than to lazily curl up on the couch or in bed with you, pour us a few glasses of wine, and flip through the latest episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  There’s a certain closeness you get with spooning that you just can’t achieve with other romantic physical activity.  Like, feeling your back up against my chest, hips completely in sync, our legs tangled beneath the covers, and my lips dangerously close to your neck and ears.  To be a little cliche, it really is as if two become one, working together in complete harmony.

I find that spooning, at least for me, is the perfect time to bond with your significant other- when you’re smooshed up against each other and yet it still feels like you can’t get close enough.

For those of you who aren’t keen on spooning, keep in mind that women are very sensually oriented.  Luckily for me [as I’ll never admit to being the most handsome man in the world] they mostly respond to body heat, subtle touches, and fresh scents rather than visual stimulation.  This makes spooning the perfect opportunity to segway in to your other agendas, as your hands and lips are free to roam her body-scape. Plus, being the big spoon puts you in a position of control- something I find most women crave out of the men in their relationships.

Here are a few quick tips for all the big spoons out there.  First of all, your lips anywhere near her neck and ears will drive her crazy. Even kissing the back of her neck, just below the hair line will give her chills.  Subtly kissing her shoulders and the length of her back will peak her interest.  In fact, try running your lips in a curvy pattern down her back without ever lifting them up, slowly working your way down and up again, finishing just behind her ear.  Combine these techniques while firmly gripping her hips and pulling her close to you and you may be in for a long night.  When she turns around and throws her arms around you, you’ll know it’s on- just do me a favor and please don’t turn it in to a cheap 80′s porno.  Keep it classy and passionate.

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What to Expect from Online Dating

One of the dating experts that I’ve discovered in the twitterverse is Dr. Christie Hartman. I really enjoy her writing think she’s full of a lot of great knowledge. She’s down to earth and realistic. I just really like her.

christie-hartman

So I’ve been surfing through her website, checking out older blog posts on dating and relationships. She’s written a series of blog posts for “Intellectual Badasses”, as she calls us, and there was a group of posts that dealt with online dating. The post in particular that peaked my interest was on what to expect from online dating.

You should check her article out, but I’ll hi-light some of the points I found exceptionally true and awesome.

Dating Online is a Numbers Game

In conventional dating, you’ve met the person and developed at least some interest in him or her before you go on a date. Thus, the weeding out process begins before you go on any dates. Online dating is different: you have to go out with someone to even know if there’s interest. In other words, the weeding process often occurs during or after a date.

What this means is that you have to chat with and go out with far more people than in conventional dating, and it takes weeding through a lot more people before you find a “good” one.

I can’t stress that point enough. Online Dating is a process and to get anywhere, you’ll have to date a few people at once and then weed out the ones you don’t want while you stick with the one you DO want.

 

First Dates are Different

The conventional first date is dinner, possibly more. And why not? You’ve probably already established mutual interest and a longer, more involved date is warranted. When dating online, first dates are shorter, less involved, and cost less. Really, a first online date isn’t a date at all – it’s a “meet-and-greet,” an opportunity to meet someone and decide if a date is warranted. If you view it otherwise, it can raise expectations too high.

Oh look, someone else agree with Laurie and me when it comes to the first meeting.

 

Men: Not Getting Replies is Normal
Women: Getting Emails from the Wrong Men is Normal

Boom. There it is.

 

Alright- so make sure you check out Dr. Hartman’s website. She’s got a lot of great posts. I’ll definitely be linking to her a lot from here, too.

 

xoxo Jess
http://www.friendflirt.com
@FriendFlirt

um yes, let’s make out

This is another post written by one of our love gurus, Sabatino! It has to do with one of MY favorite activities- making out!

couple-making-out-in-office

The stuff trashy romance novels are made of.

Or at least usually how they start and end, with a lot of crazy stuff in between.

You’re at a party. You catch eyes with a girl from across the room and there’s instant attraction.  You saunter over and introduce yourself in your best Barry White voice.  “Good evening, I’m Sabatino; I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room”.  A conversation erupts and you find out she loves fine wine just as much as you do, and although she’s Irish, she kind of looks Italian, so you’re cool with that.  You spend the rest of the night exchanging witty banter and as the party begins winding down, you find yourselves passionately engaged in a steamy make-out session in the garden- and the kitchen- and again in the driveway- and in your car behind Walmart, even though you know it’s not classy but, damn it, you just need a quiet and dark corner.

But I digress.  Remember that feeling when everything was new and you couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes off?  Why is it that most relationships fall out of this “honeymoon stage” after a short period of time?  I truly believe making out saves relationships.  Yeah I know there are going to be a lot of nay-sayers about this one, but think about it!  Making out is the cornerstone of a sexually healthy and bonded relationship!  It’s the gateway to a more physically gratifying partnership. It’s a reminder that as we get older, our love stays young and strong.  It can transcend acceptance and commitment!

Today I issue you this challenge.  Find someone to make out with.  It could be a spouse, a significant other, good friend, love interest, or anyone else you’ve been dying to lock lips with.  If you’re married, grab your husband or wife and look them in the eyes.  Tell them sincerely that you love them and go in for the kill. It will be fun!  You may be a bit rusty if you haven’t made out in a while, but it’s like riding a bike- you’ll pick it up again. I strongly urge those of you who are in relationships to set aside ten minutes each week to spend alone time with your partner- for heaven’s sake you need to remind each other that you’re still in love!

If that’s not enough for you, here are some basic health benefits to smooching:

1) It can help prevent tooth decay.

2) It’s a stress reliever

3) Kissing burns calories.

4) It can boost your immunity.

Plus, you’ll make every other couple around you jealous.  In my opinion, making out is vital to a healthy relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together- and with so much passion flying around the room, expect to see changes in your partner that you haven’t seen since the first time you met.

Hi, I’m Sabatino. Who wants in on this?

Things to keep in mind for online dating safety

Online dating can be a blast, but sometimes it’s tricky to figure out what to put in your profile and what to leave out. Sometimes we get carried away and share too much info when we find a match we’re really into. It happens so fast.

However, there are a few things that should NEVER be a part of your profile- and most of them are for your own safety.

I’m not trying to scare you away from online dating. Online dating is a wonderful way to meet people, but it can be very dangerous if you don’t look out for yourself.

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Laurie Davis of http://www.eflirtexpert.com has a nice little chapter in her book, Love At First Click, that lists the biggest DON’T when it comes to your online dating safety. I’ll list them for you here, but you should definitely check out her book for more information.

  1. Full name- um, hello. Obvious, right? Don’t give your name in your profile and you should hold onto your last name until after you meet a time or two.
  2. Username issues- Don’t use the same user name that you use on social media sites. For example, I’m not going to use RedSoxChach as my username for online dating, since that’s my personal twitter handle. If my match were interested, he could go and look up my twitter feed, since it’s public, and find out all sorts of information on me. Not a good idea.
  3. Phone number- duh, again obvious. Wait to give out your phone number until you’ve messaged a few times and are comfortable with meeting. You’ll want to give your number out before meeting so you can find each other for the date, but save it for a bit. Also, a good idea is to register with Google Voice- then they won’t have your actual number and you can block them if you need to!
  4. Regular hangouts- I tend to frequent the same few places in my neighborhood. I leave them out of my dating profiles. Why? I don’t need a stalker showing up and following me around.
  5. Home address- You can mention your neighborhood, if you live in a city, but don’t give the specific address. That’s obvious, right?
  6. Work details- You can mention what you do for work, but be careful about writing your job title if you have a unique one. For instance, I’m the Social Media Love Gun for Friend Flirt. If I write any of that, my match can look up Friend Flirt and look up the Love Gun. I’m also pretty sure I’m the only Social Media Love Gun out there, so it would be easy to google information on me , too.
  7. Links- Don’t put up personal links to blogs or articles you’ve written. Just not a good idea. Too much extra information that’s not needed before you meet.
  8. Social Media privacy- Double check your privacy settings. If you’re public, like I am, then remember that your match has the ability to look you up and find out information about you. A match might not be too excited to see how obsessed with the Red Sox I am, or that I reference certain players as my boyfriend sometimes.
  9. Email address- If they have your email address, they can find you online. Duh. Eventually, you can give out your email address, if you want to take the conversation off the dating site, but you should probably register a new account somewhere without your full name- for safety purposes. Be careful before emailing off the dating site- too soon is a red flag for scammers.

Hope these help! Make sure to check out the book because it has a lot of awesome pointers!

If This Is It, Please Let Me Know!!

This post comes from Jane, at Singleosophy.com.

I found this post hilarious and it goes along with the Straight Up post I wrote a bit ago.

And yes- it’s so true.

 

I should probably warn all of you readers that I am the biggest dork on the planet, in that I think Huey Lewis and the News is amazing. Honestly, I tried to drag all my friends to a Huey Lewis and the News cover band gig on Halloween (unsuccessfully- I ended up going alone).

So while I was home alone this evening, I cranked up some Huey and had my own dance party in my living room and my a great blog post came into my head.

First of all, if you’re not familiar, here is the fantabulous music video for ‘If This Is It’.

Alright, so one of my biggest annoyances when it comes to dating is the ending of each new “relationship”. I’ve gone on a lot of dates in the last year, most of them first-and-last dates, but there have been a couple guys that I’ve dated a few times and saw a potential relationship blooming.

And then they just…stop.

No word, no nothing. They take forever to respond to me, if at all. They start cancelling dates or acting really distant during the dates we have. Even though you can’t tell tone in a text message, I can sense that something is off (ie messages that used to be long are now short, no emoticons or “lol”s, etc).

I then get to play the part of the paranoid female, which I hate. I am the chillest girl in that I am not needy or jealous. I’m so laid back that it bites me in the ass all the time. So when a guy does crap like that and makes me have to ask “Hey, are we cool?” or “Do you like me?” or any of those other needy-ish questions, it kills me.

Even worse is when the guy responds with “yea, we’re cool”. IF WE’RE NOT COOL, JUST SAY SO.

Seriously- I would much rather a guy tell me “hey I’m not into you” and hurt my feelings for a day or so than tell me that he’s into me when he’s not and lead me on for much longer. This has happened to me so many times and I just want to strangle every guy that does it.

Honestly, it’s okay if you’re not into me anymore. JUST SAY SO. You’re wasting my time and yours! If you’re just honest with me, I’ll let you go. I don’t want to come off as some crazy chick that keeps texting or calling you when you want me to stop. Tell me to stop!

Say “Hey listen, things aren’t really working for me. Maybe we should move on.” Take the risk of me responding to it like a psycho and then it ending completely or deal with the same amount texts, messages, and phone calls as usual. I’m going to look crazy to you either way, so please choose the first option and let it end. LET IT END.

Why Confidence is SOOOOO Important!

Here we go with another blog post from a Love Guru! This one is from Ms. Bossy Moksie.
As usual, this is a great post and it’s something that I’ve preached to people a million times- hopefully if you didn’t get it before, you’ll get it now.
Why Confidence is SOOOOOO Important
Cat_Confidence
As you know, I think pretty highly of myself.
It’s not so that I can brag about myself and my life all the time.
It’s not to insist that you think that I am amazing and awesome as I think I am.
In truth, I like to think highly of myself because it’s FUN!
It’s really a great feeling to put yourself first and stand up for yourself and make sure that you are squeezing every bit of joy and laughter out of whichever situations you may be in. You also can expect and demand the good stuff, and most of the time, you get it!
Who wants to be around a the wallflower cowering in the corner?
Who wants to be around the spoil sport hater, who has to put others and everything else down in order to make themselves feel better?
Who wants to be around that person who is always brings the conversation back to them and how allegedly awesome they are unless that person is me?
Who wants to be around that person who is so wasted and high that they can’t complete sentences, let alone function in any way?
Who wants to be around the person who just can’t SHUT UP!!!!
Not me! And I’m sure most of you feel the same.
Being around insecure, unconfident people is EXHAUSTING. It’s not fun, pleasant, or attractive. Nine times out of ten, it’s the reason your date has run the other way.
Don’t be that unconfident person that someone else has to put up with on a date.
How can you be more confident? For me, having confidence means accepting who you are and what you got, the good and the bad and the ugly. Then you OWN it. Maybe there are things you want to work on and improve. Or maybe you don’t. Either way, no one is perfect.
You could be an unemployed hunchback who smells like cats. But if you accept that and are secure with yourself, someone will be able to enjoy you and your company.
Probably not the person who hates cats. But someone.
People like being around confident, secure people, and it’s attractive. Why? Because it’s the opposite of all that drama I listed above!
Help them, help you to enjoy yourself! By being confident, you are going to enjoy life more, and people will enjoy being around you. And that’s always a great place to be!

10 Dating Don’ts for the Ladies

This is a guest post from one of our fabulous Love Gurus, D. She asked if she could write a post on dating don’ts for ladies, and I thought it was a great idea. So here’s her post for you!
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10 Dating Don’ts for the Ladies
Dating can be a tricky game. From subjects you shouldn’t touch on to just flat out crazy behavior. Because lets face it, we all havethat friend who has the dating horror stories. And all you can think to yourself is… Uh, yeah… good luck finding a boyfriend.
1.) Don’t talk marriage on a first date – Seriously ladies! Just don’t do it!
This past week I was watching the first episode of The Bachelor and Lindsay wore a wedding dress on the night of introductions. Way to try and go down in flames from the get go! Lindsay got lucky getting a rose in the rose ceremony. You? Might not be as lucky!
2.) Don’t compromise your morals. – Meaning? If you believe in something, don’t smile and nod to agree with your date even if you do not believe in those specific views. If you don’t get along about certain issues, this isn’t the end of the world. But if you start your relationship with white lies, it won’t go very far at all!
3.) Don’t bring a friend. – This is a two way street as well, so men listen up! When it comes to meeting and dating someone new, take this time to get to know each other. Not double team him with your friend. Chances are you will make your date feel uncomfortable. If you want to do the friends date… wait a couple dates and feel the waters out first!
4.) Don’t have sex on the first date! – Ladies! Keep your knickers on! Every time I have a girlfriend complain of never having a second or third date, it seems like the general consensus is sex. If you set a 3-6 date minimum, or even wait until you have an officialrelationship, you may be in better shape!
5.) Don’t Give up a Second Date if you Aren’t that Into Him – If you don’t think your relationship is going to go anywhere, don’t give in for a second date. There is no need dragging it out and leading him on!
6.) Don’t tell your life story! – There are plenty of things to converse about. You don’t need to tell your date your full life story. If things work out, there is plenty of time to learn about each other!
7.) Done Lie – This one is a given. Even little white lies may come back and bite you in the ass! Just don’t do it.
8.) Don’t be Pesky – Limit the number of text messages, e-mails, or phone calls you make. You don’t want to end up being thatannoying girl. You aren’t desperate! Don’t act like you are!
9.) Don’t Date Around – Don’t date too many guys at one time. Pick one or two and stick with them. The more men you juggle, the stickier it can get. Plus, you don’t want to spread yourself too thin!
10.) Dont date a man who doesn’t respect women! – This should be a given, but I have seen too many women put up with asshole guys who have no respect for them, or any women in general. You deserve better ladies! Don’t settle!