Tag Archive | advice

big spoon to little spoon- come in little spoon

I always love when Sabatino guest posts!

Say what you will, but I love being the big spoon.


There’s just something to be said about being so close and finding that you fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes I crave it.  After a long, stressful day when nothing has gone quite right, there’s nothing I want more than to lazily curl up on the couch or in bed with you, pour us a few glasses of wine, and flip through the latest episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  There’s a certain closeness you get with spooning that you just can’t achieve with other romantic physical activity.  Like, feeling your back up against my chest, hips completely in sync, our legs tangled beneath the covers, and my lips dangerously close to your neck and ears.  To be a little cliche, it really is as if two become one, working together in complete harmony.

I find that spooning, at least for me, is the perfect time to bond with your significant other- when you’re smooshed up against each other and yet it still feels like you can’t get close enough.

For those of you who aren’t keen on spooning, keep in mind that women are very sensually oriented.  Luckily for me [as I’ll never admit to being the most handsome man in the world] they mostly respond to body heat, subtle touches, and fresh scents rather than visual stimulation.  This makes spooning the perfect opportunity to segway in to your other agendas, as your hands and lips are free to roam her body-scape. Plus, being the big spoon puts you in a position of control- something I find most women crave out of the men in their relationships.

Here are a few quick tips for all the big spoons out there.  First of all, your lips anywhere near her neck and ears will drive her crazy. Even kissing the back of her neck, just below the hair line will give her chills.  Subtly kissing her shoulders and the length of her back will peak her interest.  In fact, try running your lips in a curvy pattern down her back without ever lifting them up, slowly working your way down and up again, finishing just behind her ear.  Combine these techniques while firmly gripping her hips and pulling her close to you and you may be in for a long night.  When she turns around and throws her arms around you, you’ll know it’s on- just do me a favor and please don’t turn it in to a cheap 80′s porno.  Keep it classy and passionate.


um yes, let’s make out

This is another post written by one of our love gurus, Sabatino! It has to do with one of MY favorite activities- making out!


The stuff trashy romance novels are made of.

Or at least usually how they start and end, with a lot of crazy stuff in between.

You’re at a party. You catch eyes with a girl from across the room and there’s instant attraction.  You saunter over and introduce yourself in your best Barry White voice.  “Good evening, I’m Sabatino; I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room”.  A conversation erupts and you find out she loves fine wine just as much as you do, and although she’s Irish, she kind of looks Italian, so you’re cool with that.  You spend the rest of the night exchanging witty banter and as the party begins winding down, you find yourselves passionately engaged in a steamy make-out session in the garden- and the kitchen- and again in the driveway- and in your car behind Walmart, even though you know it’s not classy but, damn it, you just need a quiet and dark corner.

But I digress.  Remember that feeling when everything was new and you couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes off?  Why is it that most relationships fall out of this “honeymoon stage” after a short period of time?  I truly believe making out saves relationships.  Yeah I know there are going to be a lot of nay-sayers about this one, but think about it!  Making out is the cornerstone of a sexually healthy and bonded relationship!  It’s the gateway to a more physically gratifying partnership. It’s a reminder that as we get older, our love stays young and strong.  It can transcend acceptance and commitment!

Today I issue you this challenge.  Find someone to make out with.  It could be a spouse, a significant other, good friend, love interest, or anyone else you’ve been dying to lock lips with.  If you’re married, grab your husband or wife and look them in the eyes.  Tell them sincerely that you love them and go in for the kill. It will be fun!  You may be a bit rusty if you haven’t made out in a while, but it’s like riding a bike- you’ll pick it up again. I strongly urge those of you who are in relationships to set aside ten minutes each week to spend alone time with your partner- for heaven’s sake you need to remind each other that you’re still in love!

If that’s not enough for you, here are some basic health benefits to smooching:

1) It can help prevent tooth decay.

2) It’s a stress reliever

3) Kissing burns calories.

4) It can boost your immunity.

Plus, you’ll make every other couple around you jealous.  In my opinion, making out is vital to a healthy relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together- and with so much passion flying around the room, expect to see changes in your partner that you haven’t seen since the first time you met.

Hi, I’m Sabatino. Who wants in on this?

Things to keep in mind for online dating safety

Online dating can be a blast, but sometimes it’s tricky to figure out what to put in your profile and what to leave out. Sometimes we get carried away and share too much info when we find a match we’re really into. It happens so fast.

However, there are a few things that should NEVER be a part of your profile- and most of them are for your own safety.

I’m not trying to scare you away from online dating. Online dating is a wonderful way to meet people, but it can be very dangerous if you don’t look out for yourself.


Laurie Davis of http://www.eflirtexpert.com has a nice little chapter in her book, Love At First Click, that lists the biggest DON’T when it comes to your online dating safety. I’ll list them for you here, but you should definitely check out her book for more information.

  1. Full name- um, hello. Obvious, right? Don’t give your name in your profile and you should hold onto your last name until after you meet a time or two.
  2. Username issues- Don’t use the same user name that you use on social media sites. For example, I’m not going to use RedSoxChach as my username for online dating, since that’s my personal twitter handle. If my match were interested, he could go and look up my twitter feed, since it’s public, and find out all sorts of information on me. Not a good idea.
  3. Phone number- duh, again obvious. Wait to give out your phone number until you’ve messaged a few times and are comfortable with meeting. You’ll want to give your number out before meeting so you can find each other for the date, but save it for a bit. Also, a good idea is to register with Google Voice- then they won’t have your actual number and you can block them if you need to!
  4. Regular hangouts- I tend to frequent the same few places in my neighborhood. I leave them out of my dating profiles. Why? I don’t need a stalker showing up and following me around.
  5. Home address- You can mention your neighborhood, if you live in a city, but don’t give the specific address. That’s obvious, right?
  6. Work details- You can mention what you do for work, but be careful about writing your job title if you have a unique one. For instance, I’m the Social Media Love Gun for Friend Flirt. If I write any of that, my match can look up Friend Flirt and look up the Love Gun. I’m also pretty sure I’m the only Social Media Love Gun out there, so it would be easy to google information on me , too.
  7. Links- Don’t put up personal links to blogs or articles you’ve written. Just not a good idea. Too much extra information that’s not needed before you meet.
  8. Social Media privacy- Double check your privacy settings. If you’re public, like I am, then remember that your match has the ability to look you up and find out information about you. A match might not be too excited to see how obsessed with the Red Sox I am, or that I reference certain players as my boyfriend sometimes.
  9. Email address- If they have your email address, they can find you online. Duh. Eventually, you can give out your email address, if you want to take the conversation off the dating site, but you should probably register a new account somewhere without your full name- for safety purposes. Be careful before emailing off the dating site- too soon is a red flag for scammers.

Hope these help! Make sure to check out the book because it has a lot of awesome pointers!

You’re on your first date and you’re not attracted to your date. What do you do?

Personally, this has happened to me a million times. I could write a million posts about the dates I’ve been on where I was banging my head on the table the entire time (figuratively, obviously), trying to figure out how to get out of there.

I’m too nice to just flat out say “Hey, this isn’t working out for me, I’m just gonna head home, okay?”. In the past, I’ve gone through with the whole date and then just either texted the guy later saying something like “I’ve been dating around and I actually met someone else that I’m more into and I don’t want to lead you on” or “I’m not really sure what I am looking for right now- not sure that I want an actual relationship and I don’t want to waste your time if you’re looking for something more serious right now”.

I’m soooo original.

Anyway, I feel that this is a big issue when it comes to online dating. You find a guy (or gal) that looks pretty attractive, they seem interesting enough, and you’ve sent and received some messages that led to your first meeting. Then you meet in person and you’re like “wait, no this is not what I was expecting!”

The other night, I went to a book launch party for Laurie Davis of eFlirtExpert.com fame, for her Love at First Click book that was just published. First off- she’s absolutely fantastic and her book is incredible (as far as I’ve gotten into it so far anyway). Second, she gave out a few quick tips to the audience (and to us lucky few that had some drinks with her afterwards).

The best tip of the night, in my opinion, was about the first meeting during online dating. She told us that the first meeting is NOT a date. In “offline” dating, you meet someone out in the “real world” and you can tell from that meeting if there is chemistry. Then you go on a first date and what not from there. In online dating, you miss out on that opportunity to figure out if you two jive or not in person, so that’s what the first meeting is for!

Instantly, I knew what my issue was with my dates and why there were so many awkward first encounters.

I was putting too much pressure on the first meeting. And then we’d go out to some bar or to dinner and it would be hours of the two of us awkwardly figuring out if we were into each other in person.

Laurie’s advice was that the first meeting should be between 45 minutes to an hour. Something low key and simple, just to see if you two click. You want to leave that first meeting right when the chemistry is at it’s peak so that you leave on a great note and are already scheduling your second date.

Or if you don’t click, you didn’t waste a whole lot of time and money on the whole thing.

I love this idea. With the pressure taken off of the first meeting, you two will feel more natural and at ease. Also, if you don’t click, you won’t feel too stressed about it. It was just two people meeting, not a horrible first date.

I love it.

I also like reading And That’s Why You’re Single and she recently posted about telling your date that you’re not interested while on the date itself. Ballsy!! You can read her article here. Personally, I couldn’t do it, but I admire her courage and bluntness (is that a real word? It sounds funny…). I do like that she tells her dates that she’s not interested before they spend too much time/money on the date, but man, I could never do it.

What do you guys do when you’re not attracted to a person?
Any stories you want to share?

xoxo Jess

The Best Dating Advice You’ll Ever Read

This goes for online dating and “offline” dating. Really, just dating in general. Actually, it can just be great life advice.

Ready for it? Here it goes:


Seriously! Do you want to date someone funny, interesting, smart, and outgoing? Well you better be funny, interesting, smart, and outgoing, too!

If you’re unsure of what I mean, look at this way:


Now don’t be all cocky and silly and say “yea of course, I’m fabulous!”. Sure, you’re great. But think about this really hard. If you met yourself, would you be interested in getting to know you better?

Now don’t start following your crush’s favorite football team if you don’t like sports. That’s not how this works. Your personal interests can be different.

However, if you want to date someone with particular qualities, then you better be sharing some/all of those qualities.

xoxo, Jess

Don’t forget to sign up for Friend Flirt! Launch is coming soon!!

Online Dating Tip #2: Profile Pictures

Ah yes, profile pictures.

Generally, on a dating site, you have one main image and then a gallery of photos (with about a 10 photo limit). How you utilize these photos is up to you.

My personal advice on photos: The main photo should be SOLELY of you, preferably a headshot. Why? I want to know who I’m looking at (hence- no friends in the picture). A headshot is better because when a user is looking through profiles, they’ll usually only see a thumbnail. You want your image to jump out, so make it a headshot so they can instantly see your SMILING face!

Aside from the default photo, I personally recommend NOT using all the slots available for photos. I don’t really have a reason for this- I just feel that 10 photos is too much, while only having 1-2 photos is just not enough. 5 seems like a good number. Mix up the photos of headshots, full body shots, and “action” shots. Show different sides of your personality! People want to know that you’re already interesting and that they’re going to enjoy spending time with you. If you look dry and boring, no one is going to want to message you.

I know most people would disagree with me, but I’m okay with self shots- as long as not every photo is a self shot. To me, ONE self shot is acceptable (usually your headshot photo). If all your photos are selfies, people are going to think that you have no friends/life and again- not want to message you.

Tips for the photos:

  • Make sure that users can tell who you are in the photos. Don’t put up photos of you and your friends- what happens if someone thinks you’re one of your friends? Talk about a disappointing first date experience!
  • I don’t care how hard you work at the gym- keep your shirt on.
  • Ducklips
  • No mirror shots.
  • UPDATED PHOTOS- seriously! I don’t care if you look the same. And you BETTER be updating if you look different.
  • Think about what you like to see in other people’s photos- do the same.
  • Show users that you’re fun and interesting! Don’t be robotic.

Today I was lucky enough to join a Twitter chat about profile photos with the fabulous Laurie Davis of eFlirtExpert fame. She had some awesome pointers as well, which I’ll post here for you! These are direct tweets from Laurie, so how exciting for you if you missed the chat!

  • 4-6 photos for your profile
  • Your pics should showcase the Real-Time You. Make sure you look like the gal or guy who’s going to show up on the date.
  • Remember, your photo is just a thumbnail in search results. Close ups help you pop off the page
  • Range of outfits in photos
  • It’s a good idea for your eyes to be central in at least 2 pics. windows to who you are! (This was a tip from Laurie’s photographer, Michelle!)
  • Mirror pics are def the worst! And duck faces.
  • Pro shots that don’t look so “pro” are best.
  • Catch 22: Oversell yourself in pics = matches may be disappointed in person. Undersell = may not meet the right matches.
  • A “good” photo’s definition can vary on niche sites depending upon the crowd. (sites like Farmer’s Only, J-Date, or Christian Singles will be different than Match, eHarmony, or OkCupid…)
  • A Univ of Rochester study found that men rate red outfits in women’s profile pics as most attractive. (someone also mentioned that the same goes for women prefering men in blue outfits, but not sure on the source).
  • For men, BOLD colors are best. Avoid neutrals which is what every guy wears so you stand out in search.
  • No selfies. They are cool for social networks but not for your dating profile. Show your lifestyle
  • Every online dater should upload at least a few action shots. It gives a sense of what your lifestyle is like.

I hope you find these tips helpful! Feel free to comment to ask questions about profile pictures!

Also, Laurie’s book Love At First Click is available for preorder now! If you preorder now, she’ll help you pick your profile photos AND you’ll have access to an exclusive video course on online messaging! So check it out!

Don’t forget to check out FriendFlirt and sign up for our email list today!

Online Dating Tip #1: Username Issues

First rule of online dating: Have a good username. It can make or break you.

For instance, if I see MattyBoy420, I’m instantly going to say no. I don’t smoke weed, nor do I want to date someone who enjoys it enough to make it part of his online identity. Now, you may attract a girl with that, but I’m thinking that you won’t.

Another guy I’ll turn down: SexyStud4U69. Really? First of all, I’m going to turn you down for the 69 in your username. That’s just tacky. And are you that cocky that you think I’m going to start swooning over you because you think you’re sexy? C’mon. In my experience, every guy that has had some sort of sexual inuendo in his screen name was the complete opposite of what he was advertising.

Also- don’t advertise your penis in your screen name. Over compensating much?

Another horrible nickname: UsernameTaken432897. If you can’t come up with a creative username, or if you think you’re being funny, get out of here and don’t waste my time. Chances are you’re horribly boring and I’m not going to want to be around you.

Picking a username can be tricky, since it is the first thing that represents your whole online persona. However, it shouldn’t be that difficult. Think of your hobbies, interests, or even movie/tv/book characters that you like.

Also- try to stay away from numbers. What happens when I confuse MarkyMark272727 with MarkyMark27272? It just shows that you’re not creative enough to come up with your own original name that you had to recycle someone else’s.

Examples of decent screenname: PunkBass, IrishGuy, Love2Travel, SoxFan, ArmyDude, HoldenCaulfield, HanSolo, EngineerInBoston etc.

Ladies, this goes to you, too! Don’t be SexyBustyBlonde30 or BostonBitch and expect to find a nice guy. Make a good username that shows your actual personality. OperaLady, AnnaMolly, Amanduh, and SouthernGal are some alright ones.

If you need more help, feel free to comment and I’ll personally help you come up with a name!

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