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More crappy online dating ‘First Messages’

Hey dudes (and ladies, I’m sure, too). Want to know why no one is responding to your messages on online dating sites? Because you’re sending crappy messages like the following messages I’m about to show you. Please note, these are all word-for-word messages that I’ve received in the past few days.

“Hi. How are you?”

“Hey. What’s going on?”

“You are very beautiful. :)”

“Hello
How are you. Hope you had good day.
Nice to meet you over here .
How was your day.? I have tell you that you have very beautiful smile .. By reading your profile i would say You are perfect combination of beauty and smart..Any fun stuff planed for these spring days .”

“Hello how are you? I’m (name).”

“Hey how are you? My name is Mark and you are very cute and seem like a nice fun person. You sound like a busy girl and have done some really cool stuff.Hope your having a good day”

“think I’m in love will you marry me 🙂 kidding. how are ya?”

“tits”

Seriously guys?! COME ON. I know online dating can seem difficult, but it’s really not THAT hard to write a good first message. Good Lord.

face palm

Palm to the face. Ugh.

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Horrible Messages, #2

I should come clean. While I am one of the biggest Boston sports fanatics, I have to admit that I despise the Bruins. I can’t even tell you how much I cringe when I see that stupid yellow and black B all over the place. I grew up as a Philadelphia Flyers fan and that’s just how I’m always going to be.

That being said, in my OK Cupid account, I had written in my profile that I cheer on the Flyers. This is a message that I received from a lovely young gentlemen, one of Boston’s most brilliant, shining stars:

Sorry miss as a Flyers fan you shouldn’t even be allowed to breathe Boston’s air. Maybe you should move to Philly, because being a true sports fan you should have respect for the teams where you are especially Boston teams….! No other state will ever measure up to the true Title Town that Boston is. Now if you were any other fan but a Philly fan I would never have sent this….well Montreal as well. I mean how could you route for such a douchbag team from one on the shitiest cities in the US……ugh.

You better believe that I took the bait and argued with him for awhile. What a douche bag thing to say to someone! I don’t troll the site and verbally attack Yankee fans! Why did this guy think this was appropriate.

Loser. No wonder why he’s single.

ass

What to Expect from Online Dating

One of the dating experts that I’ve discovered in the twitterverse is Dr. Christie Hartman. I really enjoy her writing think she’s full of a lot of great knowledge. She’s down to earth and realistic. I just really like her.

christie-hartman

So I’ve been surfing through her website, checking out older blog posts on dating and relationships. She’s written a series of blog posts for “Intellectual Badasses”, as she calls us, and there was a group of posts that dealt with online dating. The post in particular that peaked my interest was on what to expect from online dating.

You should check her article out, but I’ll hi-light some of the points I found exceptionally true and awesome.

Dating Online is a Numbers Game

In conventional dating, you’ve met the person and developed at least some interest in him or her before you go on a date. Thus, the weeding out process begins before you go on any dates. Online dating is different: you have to go out with someone to even know if there’s interest. In other words, the weeding process often occurs during or after a date.

What this means is that you have to chat with and go out with far more people than in conventional dating, and it takes weeding through a lot more people before you find a “good” one.

I can’t stress that point enough. Online Dating is a process and to get anywhere, you’ll have to date a few people at once and then weed out the ones you don’t want while you stick with the one you DO want.

 

First Dates are Different

The conventional first date is dinner, possibly more. And why not? You’ve probably already established mutual interest and a longer, more involved date is warranted. When dating online, first dates are shorter, less involved, and cost less. Really, a first online date isn’t a date at all – it’s a “meet-and-greet,” an opportunity to meet someone and decide if a date is warranted. If you view it otherwise, it can raise expectations too high.

Oh look, someone else agree with Laurie and me when it comes to the first meeting.

 

Men: Not Getting Replies is Normal
Women: Getting Emails from the Wrong Men is Normal

Boom. There it is.

 

Alright- so make sure you check out Dr. Hartman’s website. She’s got a lot of great posts. I’ll definitely be linking to her a lot from here, too.

 

xoxo Jess
http://www.friendflirt.com
@FriendFlirt

Woman Sues Match.com After Attack

Have you people heard of this story yet, where a woman is suing Match because she was attacked by her date?

 

Let’s back this up: This woman, Mary Kay Beckman, met a man through Match.com. They went out a few times and then she broke it off. She came home one day and he was in her garage. He stabbed her several times and then stomped and kicked at her, leaving her for dead.

Apparently this same dude had also just murdered another woman after a break up as well.

Yikes, scary right?

So here’s the thing. Ms. Beckman is suing Match.com because they didn’t have enough information on their site to warn users of potential predators.

Seriously?

First of all, most dating sites have information on their sites for their users on how to protect themselves and to warn them of potential danger. I can’t say that for sure of Match, but they’re claiming that they do. But what does this woman want Match to do?

A lot of sites do cross check their members with sexual offender lists. However, from what I’ve read, this guy did not have a criminal history. So what was Match supposed to do? If he’s got no criminal history, then what is there to do? Nothing!

Let’s pretend this is ‘offline dating’. Let’s say that Ms. Beckman met this man at a bar. They meet and hit it off and exchange numbers. They go out a few times. It doesn’t work out, so she ends it. He goes to her house and tries to kill her. Would she sue the bar because they didn’t warn people of the dangers of meeting strangers?

I’m sorry, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Online dating is a great tool to meet new people and yes, it can be totally dangerous, but just as dangerous as meeting any person at the grocery store or a baseball game. And even if someone’s background check is clear, doesn’t mean they can’t snap at any time.

I’m very sorry for Ms. Beckman- this is a horrible horrible tragedy, but I really don’t think it’s Match.com’s fault.

I wrote a post about how to protect yourself while online dating and there are several resources out there that will teach you the same things.

What makes me sad about this whole thing (besides the murdered woman and Ms. Beckman’s injuries), is that this puts a bad taste in people’s mouths about online dating. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE DANGEROUS! Protect yourself, people!

And if you’re really worried about online dating and want a safer alternative, try http://www.FriendFlirt.com. We’re online dating through friends- much safer!!!

xoxo Jess
http://www.friendflirt.com
http://www.twitter.com/friendflirt

Things to keep in mind for online dating safety

Online dating can be a blast, but sometimes it’s tricky to figure out what to put in your profile and what to leave out. Sometimes we get carried away and share too much info when we find a match we’re really into. It happens so fast.

However, there are a few things that should NEVER be a part of your profile- and most of them are for your own safety.

I’m not trying to scare you away from online dating. Online dating is a wonderful way to meet people, but it can be very dangerous if you don’t look out for yourself.

click

Laurie Davis of http://www.eflirtexpert.com has a nice little chapter in her book, Love At First Click, that lists the biggest DON’T when it comes to your online dating safety. I’ll list them for you here, but you should definitely check out her book for more information.

  1. Full name- um, hello. Obvious, right? Don’t give your name in your profile and you should hold onto your last name until after you meet a time or two.
  2. Username issues- Don’t use the same user name that you use on social media sites. For example, I’m not going to use RedSoxChach as my username for online dating, since that’s my personal twitter handle. If my match were interested, he could go and look up my twitter feed, since it’s public, and find out all sorts of information on me. Not a good idea.
  3. Phone number- duh, again obvious. Wait to give out your phone number until you’ve messaged a few times and are comfortable with meeting. You’ll want to give your number out before meeting so you can find each other for the date, but save it for a bit. Also, a good idea is to register with Google Voice- then they won’t have your actual number and you can block them if you need to!
  4. Regular hangouts- I tend to frequent the same few places in my neighborhood. I leave them out of my dating profiles. Why? I don’t need a stalker showing up and following me around.
  5. Home address- You can mention your neighborhood, if you live in a city, but don’t give the specific address. That’s obvious, right?
  6. Work details- You can mention what you do for work, but be careful about writing your job title if you have a unique one. For instance, I’m the Social Media Love Gun for Friend Flirt. If I write any of that, my match can look up Friend Flirt and look up the Love Gun. I’m also pretty sure I’m the only Social Media Love Gun out there, so it would be easy to google information on me , too.
  7. Links- Don’t put up personal links to blogs or articles you’ve written. Just not a good idea. Too much extra information that’s not needed before you meet.
  8. Social Media privacy- Double check your privacy settings. If you’re public, like I am, then remember that your match has the ability to look you up and find out information about you. A match might not be too excited to see how obsessed with the Red Sox I am, or that I reference certain players as my boyfriend sometimes.
  9. Email address- If they have your email address, they can find you online. Duh. Eventually, you can give out your email address, if you want to take the conversation off the dating site, but you should probably register a new account somewhere without your full name- for safety purposes. Be careful before emailing off the dating site- too soon is a red flag for scammers.

Hope these help! Make sure to check out the book because it has a lot of awesome pointers!

Straight up, now tell me

One of the biggest pains of dating these days is trying to figure out if you’re on the same page as the person you’re dating.

For me personally, I’ve gone into every first date open minded. I keep myself cool and remember that it’s just meeting a new guy. Going out with a new guy doesn’t mean I’m meeting my next serious boyfriend. However, the guy MAY be my next serious boyfriend, so I don’t want to play too cool either.

However, it’s always hard to see where the guy is coming from.

At least on a first date, we can all play it cool. When it gets into a situation where we start seeing each other more often and maybe get physical, it’s hard to tell where you stand unless you have “the chat”.

I hate “the chat”.

And half the time, that chat is only half sided. I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve tried to ask a guy what he wanted from me (in a more eloquent way, obviously) and he’ll tell me something pretty that he thinks I want to hear.

What he doesn’t know is that that’s never what I want to hear. Just be honest!!

I feel that for me, a lot of guys assume that I’m just searching for a serious relationship. No, no. There have been a few guys that I’ve dated and gotten physical with, but never wanted a serious relationship with so I was fine with keeping things light and fun. Yes, ladies like to have those kinds of “friends”, too!

Whatever happened to just being straight up with other people? Why can’t you just say “Nah, I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but I do like fooling around with you.”?

Because you think the other person will react poorly?

Yea, I guess that does happen. But isn’t it easier to rip off a band aid quickly than to peel it off slowly?

I honestly think that if people would just be honest, the “crazy” stereotype that some of us ladies get would fizzle out a little. I mean, you might get  couple crazy texts, but they’d die out. And wouldn’t it be better to just deal with those quickly, rather to string her along and have her develop all kinds of feelings? Things get crazier that way.

And of course, this can be for men or women, straight or gay.

So, I leave you with the wise wise words of Ms Paula Abdul, and by words I mean awesome music video:

So tell me followers, how do you handle these situations? When do you have the chat to make sure you’re on the same page?

 

xoxo Jess

http://www.friendflirt.com
http://www.facebook.com/friendflirt
@FriendFlirt