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the lost art of romance

Another fabulous post by Love Guru, Sabatino!

The knot in your throat. Like your tie is too tight and you’re struggling to breathe.

This is what you should be feeling when you truly romance a woman.  Yeah I get it, women like confident men who are fearless, and edgy. But what you’re probably forgetting (and what women are giving up on) is that once in a while they want to see that side of you that only they can bring out- the cheesy, unconditional, “only for you” side.  And sometimes unleashing that inner Romeo takes confidence, fearlessness, and edge.

It should go without saying, but I will clarify that “romancing” and “sleeping with” are two totally separate goals, and should be treated as such.

So, when is the right time to be romantic?  This is ridiculous. Listen. You can’t just be romantic on her birthday and Valentines Day. Try something a little less obvious, like Tuesday.  Maybe you’ve both been hard at work, and your home life has you running in all directions.  Maybe have something prepared when she gets home from a busy day at the office.  And it doesn’t always have to be dinner, and sex should never be expected at the end- however, if you learn to be romantic, you’ll be surprised where things will lead.  Also, don’t get discouraged.  If she’s tired when she gets home and you’re feeling like she doesn’t appreciate your efforts, just let her unwind and relax.  Sometimes a romantic evening together starts with a little alone time.  Trust me, she’ll much more appreciate all you’ve done once she has had time to herself.

Every woman is different and shouldn’t be treated as though she was formed from a cookie cutter, so it’s up to you to decide what “romancing” means in your own relationship.  Take her wants and needs in to careful consideration, and formulate a plan that includes both of you joining together for an evening of love, passion, and fun.  I promise you won’t regret it.

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10 Dating Don’ts for the Ladies

This is a guest post from one of our fabulous Love Gurus, D. She asked if she could write a post on dating don’ts for ladies, and I thought it was a great idea. So here’s her post for you!
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10 Dating Don’ts for the Ladies
Dating can be a tricky game. From subjects you shouldn’t touch on to just flat out crazy behavior. Because lets face it, we all havethat friend who has the dating horror stories. And all you can think to yourself is… Uh, yeah… good luck finding a boyfriend.
1.) Don’t talk marriage on a first date – Seriously ladies! Just don’t do it!
This past week I was watching the first episode of The Bachelor and Lindsay wore a wedding dress on the night of introductions. Way to try and go down in flames from the get go! Lindsay got lucky getting a rose in the rose ceremony. You? Might not be as lucky!
2.) Don’t compromise your morals. – Meaning? If you believe in something, don’t smile and nod to agree with your date even if you do not believe in those specific views. If you don’t get along about certain issues, this isn’t the end of the world. But if you start your relationship with white lies, it won’t go very far at all!
3.) Don’t bring a friend. – This is a two way street as well, so men listen up! When it comes to meeting and dating someone new, take this time to get to know each other. Not double team him with your friend. Chances are you will make your date feel uncomfortable. If you want to do the friends date… wait a couple dates and feel the waters out first!
4.) Don’t have sex on the first date! – Ladies! Keep your knickers on! Every time I have a girlfriend complain of never having a second or third date, it seems like the general consensus is sex. If you set a 3-6 date minimum, or even wait until you have an officialrelationship, you may be in better shape!
5.) Don’t Give up a Second Date if you Aren’t that Into Him – If you don’t think your relationship is going to go anywhere, don’t give in for a second date. There is no need dragging it out and leading him on!
6.) Don’t tell your life story! – There are plenty of things to converse about. You don’t need to tell your date your full life story. If things work out, there is plenty of time to learn about each other!
7.) Done Lie – This one is a given. Even little white lies may come back and bite you in the ass! Just don’t do it.
8.) Don’t be Pesky – Limit the number of text messages, e-mails, or phone calls you make. You don’t want to end up being thatannoying girl. You aren’t desperate! Don’t act like you are!
9.) Don’t Date Around – Don’t date too many guys at one time. Pick one or two and stick with them. The more men you juggle, the stickier it can get. Plus, you don’t want to spread yourself too thin!
10.) Dont date a man who doesn’t respect women! – This should be a given, but I have seen too many women put up with asshole guys who have no respect for them, or any women in general. You deserve better ladies! Don’t settle!

Straight up, now tell me

One of the biggest pains of dating these days is trying to figure out if you’re on the same page as the person you’re dating.

For me personally, I’ve gone into every first date open minded. I keep myself cool and remember that it’s just meeting a new guy. Going out with a new guy doesn’t mean I’m meeting my next serious boyfriend. However, the guy MAY be my next serious boyfriend, so I don’t want to play too cool either.

However, it’s always hard to see where the guy is coming from.

At least on a first date, we can all play it cool. When it gets into a situation where we start seeing each other more often and maybe get physical, it’s hard to tell where you stand unless you have “the chat”.

I hate “the chat”.

And half the time, that chat is only half sided. I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve tried to ask a guy what he wanted from me (in a more eloquent way, obviously) and he’ll tell me something pretty that he thinks I want to hear.

What he doesn’t know is that that’s never what I want to hear. Just be honest!!

I feel that for me, a lot of guys assume that I’m just searching for a serious relationship. No, no. There have been a few guys that I’ve dated and gotten physical with, but never wanted a serious relationship with so I was fine with keeping things light and fun. Yes, ladies like to have those kinds of “friends”, too!

Whatever happened to just being straight up with other people? Why can’t you just say “Nah, I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but I do like fooling around with you.”?

Because you think the other person will react poorly?

Yea, I guess that does happen. But isn’t it easier to rip off a band aid quickly than to peel it off slowly?

I honestly think that if people would just be honest, the “crazy” stereotype that some of us ladies get would fizzle out a little. I mean, you might get  couple crazy texts, but they’d die out. And wouldn’t it be better to just deal with those quickly, rather to string her along and have her develop all kinds of feelings? Things get crazier that way.

And of course, this can be for men or women, straight or gay.

So, I leave you with the wise wise words of Ms Paula Abdul, and by words I mean awesome music video:

So tell me followers, how do you handle these situations? When do you have the chat to make sure you’re on the same page?

 

xoxo Jess

http://www.friendflirt.com
http://www.facebook.com/friendflirt
@FriendFlirt

You’re on your first date and you’re not attracted to your date. What do you do?

Personally, this has happened to me a million times. I could write a million posts about the dates I’ve been on where I was banging my head on the table the entire time (figuratively, obviously), trying to figure out how to get out of there.

I’m too nice to just flat out say “Hey, this isn’t working out for me, I’m just gonna head home, okay?”. In the past, I’ve gone through with the whole date and then just either texted the guy later saying something like “I’ve been dating around and I actually met someone else that I’m more into and I don’t want to lead you on” or “I’m not really sure what I am looking for right now- not sure that I want an actual relationship and I don’t want to waste your time if you’re looking for something more serious right now”.

I’m soooo original.

Anyway, I feel that this is a big issue when it comes to online dating. You find a guy (or gal) that looks pretty attractive, they seem interesting enough, and you’ve sent and received some messages that led to your first meeting. Then you meet in person and you’re like “wait, no this is not what I was expecting!”

The other night, I went to a book launch party for Laurie Davis of eFlirtExpert.com fame, for her Love at First Click book that was just published. First off- she’s absolutely fantastic and her book is incredible (as far as I’ve gotten into it so far anyway). Second, she gave out a few quick tips to the audience (and to us lucky few that had some drinks with her afterwards).

The best tip of the night, in my opinion, was about the first meeting during online dating. She told us that the first meeting is NOT a date. In “offline” dating, you meet someone out in the “real world” and you can tell from that meeting if there is chemistry. Then you go on a first date and what not from there. In online dating, you miss out on that opportunity to figure out if you two jive or not in person, so that’s what the first meeting is for!

Instantly, I knew what my issue was with my dates and why there were so many awkward first encounters.

I was putting too much pressure on the first meeting. And then we’d go out to some bar or to dinner and it would be hours of the two of us awkwardly figuring out if we were into each other in person.

Laurie’s advice was that the first meeting should be between 45 minutes to an hour. Something low key and simple, just to see if you two click. You want to leave that first meeting right when the chemistry is at it’s peak so that you leave on a great note and are already scheduling your second date.

Or if you don’t click, you didn’t waste a whole lot of time and money on the whole thing.

I love this idea. With the pressure taken off of the first meeting, you two will feel more natural and at ease. Also, if you don’t click, you won’t feel too stressed about it. It was just two people meeting, not a horrible first date.

I love it.

I also like reading And That’s Why You’re Single and she recently posted about telling your date that you’re not interested while on the date itself. Ballsy!! You can read her article here. Personally, I couldn’t do it, but I admire her courage and bluntness (is that a real word? It sounds funny…). I do like that she tells her dates that she’s not interested before they spend too much time/money on the date, but man, I could never do it.

What do you guys do when you’re not attracted to a person?
Any stories you want to share?

xoxo Jess
jessica@friendflirt.com
http://www.friendflirt.com
@FriendFlirt

10 Dating Mistakes that Men Make When They’re Interested in a Woman

This is a post written by a friend of the FriendFlirt team, Dave Matthews. He’s the author of Every Man Sees You Naked and is a dating advice columnist at Fabulously40 and Your Tango.

Below is his original post about the 10 Dating Mistakes that Men Make When They’re Interested in a Woman. I hope you enjoy it!!

10 Dating Mistakes Men Make When They’re Interested In A Woman

By David M. Matthews

Dating is a crazy business. It often involves putting oneself in the awkward position of having
to make meaningful and engaging conversation with a virtual stranger while trying to assess
if future encounters will be emotionally/physically/spiritually satisfying on any level. And
you usually have to do this over dinner or drinks while trying desperately not to say something
totally embarrassing or spray your date in the eye with lemon juice meant for your salmon, ice
tea or Corona. Of course you know the things you try to avoid to keep a date running smoothly
(and impress a guy, if indeed, you have any interest). But how about the gaffes, blunders,
and faux pas that men make on dates (while optimistically imaging themselves in your naked
embrace)? The following is a list of ten dating mistakes men make that quickly send your hope
of a possible ongoing relationship into the crapper (Sadly, you’ll probably recognize more than
a few of these from past dates-gone-wrong).

1) Trying to move things along too quickly
Very few things are as much of a turn-off as a guy who’s discussing plans for dates seven,
eight and nine, as the appetizers are being served on date one. He is likely to be perceived
as desperate, controlling, stalker-ish or all three.

2) Not making definite plans or having a specific idea where he wants to go on a date
Especially early on in the dating process, suggesting a specific time, date and place for a
romantic rendezvous is very important. Planning indicates a man cares enough to put a
little thought into his date. Failure to do so is likely to be interpreted as lack of genuine
interest or inability to get his act together – neither of which bode well for a long and happy
relationship.

3) Talking about his ex’s
We all have baggage. Some, just a small carry-on – others, a steamer trunk. Speak
glowingly of an ex, and it sounds like you’re not over her. Slam her, and you’ll likely reveal
anger issues that aren’t particularly flattering. They’re your “ex’s” because they’re part of
your past. Best to leave them there.

4) Offering to split the bill
No law dictates that a man, simply by virtue of his sex, is required to pay on a date. That
being said, a man who invites a woman out for dinner, then plunks down the cash to cover
his share, expecting her to pony up the remainder will likely not endear himself to his dinner
partner.

5) Treating wait-staff poorly
For many women, how a guy interacts with others is a strong indication of how he will
eventually interact with them. Treating a waiter or waitress in a demeaning, condescending,
or disparaging manner is a big old red flag.

6) Being a know-it-all
Confidence is attractive, arrogance…not so much. And an obnoxious, dogmatic windbag is
about as appealing as ringworm.

7) Not listening
Very few non-physical qualities are more appealing to a woman than a man who actually
listens to them. And conversely, nothing is quite so off-putting as a guy who doesn’t.

8) Insisting on discussing topics not of interest to his date
One of the key elements of successful dating is establishing a rapport. A guy blathering on
endlessly about subjects that are fascinating only to him, will most certainly assure his first
date is also his last.

9) Being a “yes” man
Being overly solicitous and agreeing with everything his date says may initially be quite
refreshing and appealing to her. Soon, however, a man’s refusal to offer an opinion of his
own and reluctance to demonstrate he has a backbone, will cause her to lose respect for him,
and without that, the relationship is dead-in-the-water.

10) Regaling his date with stories of his wild past
A guy’s buddies may be infinitely amused by his tales of drunken debauchery, but
confessing his ill-advised exploits on a date, no matter how ‘hilarious,’ is a crap shoot at
best. While his date may be entertained, she may just as easily question his character and
judgment. The smart guy keeps his liquor-soaked nostalgia to himself.

The above is by no means a comprehensive list. There are virtually hundreds of things a
man can inadvertently do to alienate his date. On the other hand, if a guy is really attracted
to you, there are only about two sure-fire ways of throwing cold water on his “fire:” 1) Tell
him that under no circumstances will you ever have sex with him; or 2) Tell him you’re a
dude.