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big spoon to little spoon- come in little spoon

I always love when Sabatino guest posts!

Say what you will, but I love being the big spoon.

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There’s just something to be said about being so close and finding that you fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes I crave it.  After a long, stressful day when nothing has gone quite right, there’s nothing I want more than to lazily curl up on the couch or in bed with you, pour us a few glasses of wine, and flip through the latest episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  There’s a certain closeness you get with spooning that you just can’t achieve with other romantic physical activity.  Like, feeling your back up against my chest, hips completely in sync, our legs tangled beneath the covers, and my lips dangerously close to your neck and ears.  To be a little cliche, it really is as if two become one, working together in complete harmony.

I find that spooning, at least for me, is the perfect time to bond with your significant other- when you’re smooshed up against each other and yet it still feels like you can’t get close enough.

For those of you who aren’t keen on spooning, keep in mind that women are very sensually oriented.  Luckily for me [as I’ll never admit to being the most handsome man in the world] they mostly respond to body heat, subtle touches, and fresh scents rather than visual stimulation.  This makes spooning the perfect opportunity to segway in to your other agendas, as your hands and lips are free to roam her body-scape. Plus, being the big spoon puts you in a position of control- something I find most women crave out of the men in their relationships.

Here are a few quick tips for all the big spoons out there.  First of all, your lips anywhere near her neck and ears will drive her crazy. Even kissing the back of her neck, just below the hair line will give her chills.  Subtly kissing her shoulders and the length of her back will peak her interest.  In fact, try running your lips in a curvy pattern down her back without ever lifting them up, slowly working your way down and up again, finishing just behind her ear.  Combine these techniques while firmly gripping her hips and pulling her close to you and you may be in for a long night.  When she turns around and throws her arms around you, you’ll know it’s on- just do me a favor and please don’t turn it in to a cheap 80′s porno.  Keep it classy and passionate.

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The Three Month Mark

Here’s another post by our Love Guru, Bossy Moksie!

 

Most of my dates don’t go beyond the three month mark.

I notice things right away that I know won’t gel with me for a long period of time. And if there’s not much to offset this, then I’m outta there! It’s better to do this sooner rather than later. As time goes on, you get attached and too comfortable to let go of someone who is not right for you.

How do you know?

You have to listen to yourself.

If I don’t feel completely comfortable opening up and being myself, then I know it won’t work. This is after the first few dates of getting used to being around each other. Why would I want to be with someone negative, arrogant or doesn’t get me or doesn’t have the same values? I know that won’t work longterm. So why stay longer than one date? Or in some cases, three months?

Sometimes after a few dates, I will try to talk myself into it. Because there are things I do enjoy about this person. His company or humor or the way he works that white business shirt. But after awhile, I just know we are wasting time and three months is the longest I can take it. It’s best to face the reality and own up to it, then just be with someone for the sake of being someone. Plus if you’re wasting your time on someone you know isn’t right for you, then you won’t have the chance to meet someon who is!

How and when did some of you ladies know your guy was the one? Or not the one?

Same question to the guys.

um yes, let’s make out

This is another post written by one of our love gurus, Sabatino! It has to do with one of MY favorite activities- making out!

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The stuff trashy romance novels are made of.

Or at least usually how they start and end, with a lot of crazy stuff in between.

You’re at a party. You catch eyes with a girl from across the room and there’s instant attraction.  You saunter over and introduce yourself in your best Barry White voice.  “Good evening, I’m Sabatino; I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room”.  A conversation erupts and you find out she loves fine wine just as much as you do, and although she’s Irish, she kind of looks Italian, so you’re cool with that.  You spend the rest of the night exchanging witty banter and as the party begins winding down, you find yourselves passionately engaged in a steamy make-out session in the garden- and the kitchen- and again in the driveway- and in your car behind Walmart, even though you know it’s not classy but, damn it, you just need a quiet and dark corner.

But I digress.  Remember that feeling when everything was new and you couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes off?  Why is it that most relationships fall out of this “honeymoon stage” after a short period of time?  I truly believe making out saves relationships.  Yeah I know there are going to be a lot of nay-sayers about this one, but think about it!  Making out is the cornerstone of a sexually healthy and bonded relationship!  It’s the gateway to a more physically gratifying partnership. It’s a reminder that as we get older, our love stays young and strong.  It can transcend acceptance and commitment!

Today I issue you this challenge.  Find someone to make out with.  It could be a spouse, a significant other, good friend, love interest, or anyone else you’ve been dying to lock lips with.  If you’re married, grab your husband or wife and look them in the eyes.  Tell them sincerely that you love them and go in for the kill. It will be fun!  You may be a bit rusty if you haven’t made out in a while, but it’s like riding a bike- you’ll pick it up again. I strongly urge those of you who are in relationships to set aside ten minutes each week to spend alone time with your partner- for heaven’s sake you need to remind each other that you’re still in love!

If that’s not enough for you, here are some basic health benefits to smooching:

1) It can help prevent tooth decay.

2) It’s a stress reliever

3) Kissing burns calories.

4) It can boost your immunity.

Plus, you’ll make every other couple around you jealous.  In my opinion, making out is vital to a healthy relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together- and with so much passion flying around the room, expect to see changes in your partner that you haven’t seen since the first time you met.

Hi, I’m Sabatino. Who wants in on this?

Why Confidence is SOOOOO Important!

Here we go with another blog post from a Love Guru! This one is from Ms. Bossy Moksie.
As usual, this is a great post and it’s something that I’ve preached to people a million times- hopefully if you didn’t get it before, you’ll get it now.
Why Confidence is SOOOOOO Important
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As you know, I think pretty highly of myself.
It’s not so that I can brag about myself and my life all the time.
It’s not to insist that you think that I am amazing and awesome as I think I am.
In truth, I like to think highly of myself because it’s FUN!
It’s really a great feeling to put yourself first and stand up for yourself and make sure that you are squeezing every bit of joy and laughter out of whichever situations you may be in. You also can expect and demand the good stuff, and most of the time, you get it!
Who wants to be around a the wallflower cowering in the corner?
Who wants to be around the spoil sport hater, who has to put others and everything else down in order to make themselves feel better?
Who wants to be around that person who is always brings the conversation back to them and how allegedly awesome they are unless that person is me?
Who wants to be around that person who is so wasted and high that they can’t complete sentences, let alone function in any way?
Who wants to be around the person who just can’t SHUT UP!!!!
Not me! And I’m sure most of you feel the same.
Being around insecure, unconfident people is EXHAUSTING. It’s not fun, pleasant, or attractive. Nine times out of ten, it’s the reason your date has run the other way.
Don’t be that unconfident person that someone else has to put up with on a date.
How can you be more confident? For me, having confidence means accepting who you are and what you got, the good and the bad and the ugly. Then you OWN it. Maybe there are things you want to work on and improve. Or maybe you don’t. Either way, no one is perfect.
You could be an unemployed hunchback who smells like cats. But if you accept that and are secure with yourself, someone will be able to enjoy you and your company.
Probably not the person who hates cats. But someone.
People like being around confident, secure people, and it’s attractive. Why? Because it’s the opposite of all that drama I listed above!
Help them, help you to enjoy yourself! By being confident, you are going to enjoy life more, and people will enjoy being around you. And that’s always a great place to be!

10 Dating Don’ts for the Ladies

This is a guest post from one of our fabulous Love Gurus, D. She asked if she could write a post on dating don’ts for ladies, and I thought it was a great idea. So here’s her post for you!
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10 Dating Don’ts for the Ladies
Dating can be a tricky game. From subjects you shouldn’t touch on to just flat out crazy behavior. Because lets face it, we all havethat friend who has the dating horror stories. And all you can think to yourself is… Uh, yeah… good luck finding a boyfriend.
1.) Don’t talk marriage on a first date – Seriously ladies! Just don’t do it!
This past week I was watching the first episode of The Bachelor and Lindsay wore a wedding dress on the night of introductions. Way to try and go down in flames from the get go! Lindsay got lucky getting a rose in the rose ceremony. You? Might not be as lucky!
2.) Don’t compromise your morals. – Meaning? If you believe in something, don’t smile and nod to agree with your date even if you do not believe in those specific views. If you don’t get along about certain issues, this isn’t the end of the world. But if you start your relationship with white lies, it won’t go very far at all!
3.) Don’t bring a friend. – This is a two way street as well, so men listen up! When it comes to meeting and dating someone new, take this time to get to know each other. Not double team him with your friend. Chances are you will make your date feel uncomfortable. If you want to do the friends date… wait a couple dates and feel the waters out first!
4.) Don’t have sex on the first date! – Ladies! Keep your knickers on! Every time I have a girlfriend complain of never having a second or third date, it seems like the general consensus is sex. If you set a 3-6 date minimum, or even wait until you have an officialrelationship, you may be in better shape!
5.) Don’t Give up a Second Date if you Aren’t that Into Him – If you don’t think your relationship is going to go anywhere, don’t give in for a second date. There is no need dragging it out and leading him on!
6.) Don’t tell your life story! – There are plenty of things to converse about. You don’t need to tell your date your full life story. If things work out, there is plenty of time to learn about each other!
7.) Done Lie – This one is a given. Even little white lies may come back and bite you in the ass! Just don’t do it.
8.) Don’t be Pesky – Limit the number of text messages, e-mails, or phone calls you make. You don’t want to end up being thatannoying girl. You aren’t desperate! Don’t act like you are!
9.) Don’t Date Around – Don’t date too many guys at one time. Pick one or two and stick with them. The more men you juggle, the stickier it can get. Plus, you don’t want to spread yourself too thin!
10.) Dont date a man who doesn’t respect women! – This should be a given, but I have seen too many women put up with asshole guys who have no respect for them, or any women in general. You deserve better ladies! Don’t settle!

Landing the girl (or guy!) of your dreams!

While doing some research this weekend, I stumbled across an article by Thomas Edwards of The Professional Wingman. I’m personally a fan of Mr. Edwards’ work, but liked this article before I even realized he wrote it.

Anyway, the article is on how to get the girl of your dreams, but I feel that these tips can be used by guys and gals equally. I’ll link you to the article here, but there was one tip I wanted to focus on because I thought it was really interesting and awesome.

Make it a suggestion, not a question. When you ask anyone a yes or no question, you give them the opportunity to say no. Instead, make a affirmative statement that you’d like to take her out. Once again, it makes her more likely to say yes, when it’s a suggestion she can go with.

I think this tip is brilliant and will be trying it out as soon as possible. I feel that this tip can be used for anything- not just dating. It’ll be much easier to get a group of my friends to watch a movie of my choosing if I suggest it rather than ask it.

I digress. Obviously this is a great tip for dating. I know that if a guy were to say “Hey Jess, I’d like to take you to this show on Friday”, I’d be more willing to go than if he flat out asked me if I wanted to go. Not only that, but if he were smooth enough in saying it, I’d be slightly turned on by the alpha male-ness of the suggestion and feel that I couldn’t say no- in a good way, that is. I’m curious as to what your thoughts are!

So tell me- how do you ask someone out?

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xoxo Jess

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You’re on your first date and you’re not attracted to your date. What do you do?

Personally, this has happened to me a million times. I could write a million posts about the dates I’ve been on where I was banging my head on the table the entire time (figuratively, obviously), trying to figure out how to get out of there.

I’m too nice to just flat out say “Hey, this isn’t working out for me, I’m just gonna head home, okay?”. In the past, I’ve gone through with the whole date and then just either texted the guy later saying something like “I’ve been dating around and I actually met someone else that I’m more into and I don’t want to lead you on” or “I’m not really sure what I am looking for right now- not sure that I want an actual relationship and I don’t want to waste your time if you’re looking for something more serious right now”.

I’m soooo original.

Anyway, I feel that this is a big issue when it comes to online dating. You find a guy (or gal) that looks pretty attractive, they seem interesting enough, and you’ve sent and received some messages that led to your first meeting. Then you meet in person and you’re like “wait, no this is not what I was expecting!”

The other night, I went to a book launch party for Laurie Davis of eFlirtExpert.com fame, for her Love at First Click book that was just published. First off- she’s absolutely fantastic and her book is incredible (as far as I’ve gotten into it so far anyway). Second, she gave out a few quick tips to the audience (and to us lucky few that had some drinks with her afterwards).

The best tip of the night, in my opinion, was about the first meeting during online dating. She told us that the first meeting is NOT a date. In “offline” dating, you meet someone out in the “real world” and you can tell from that meeting if there is chemistry. Then you go on a first date and what not from there. In online dating, you miss out on that opportunity to figure out if you two jive or not in person, so that’s what the first meeting is for!

Instantly, I knew what my issue was with my dates and why there were so many awkward first encounters.

I was putting too much pressure on the first meeting. And then we’d go out to some bar or to dinner and it would be hours of the two of us awkwardly figuring out if we were into each other in person.

Laurie’s advice was that the first meeting should be between 45 minutes to an hour. Something low key and simple, just to see if you two click. You want to leave that first meeting right when the chemistry is at it’s peak so that you leave on a great note and are already scheduling your second date.

Or if you don’t click, you didn’t waste a whole lot of time and money on the whole thing.

I love this idea. With the pressure taken off of the first meeting, you two will feel more natural and at ease. Also, if you don’t click, you won’t feel too stressed about it. It was just two people meeting, not a horrible first date.

I love it.

I also like reading And That’s Why You’re Single and she recently posted about telling your date that you’re not interested while on the date itself. Ballsy!! You can read her article here. Personally, I couldn’t do it, but I admire her courage and bluntness (is that a real word? It sounds funny…). I do like that she tells her dates that she’s not interested before they spend too much time/money on the date, but man, I could never do it.

What do you guys do when you’re not attracted to a person?
Any stories you want to share?

xoxo Jess
jessica@friendflirt.com
http://www.friendflirt.com
@FriendFlirt